i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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