I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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