My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
