My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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