Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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