You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
