Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
