hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
