My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
