If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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