Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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