And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
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I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
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did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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