Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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