On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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