She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
