I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
