After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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