M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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