The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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