I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
