taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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