the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
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You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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