just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize