Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I cut my penus on the lid.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You pole danced in your parka.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
