you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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