Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
