Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
