im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
