Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
