I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
