omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
