can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
