The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
