i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
