Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
