i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
