It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
