I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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