Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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