There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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