We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
