You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
