someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
