this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
