I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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