Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
