Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
