wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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