think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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