Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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