Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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