Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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