I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
