I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
