I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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