oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
