remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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