Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
