so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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