I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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