i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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