um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
