he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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