Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My vagina just recognized that song.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
