pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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