STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
