I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
