cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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