So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
