How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
