I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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