Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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