so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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