Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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